Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I love having hate sex.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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