I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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