Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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