Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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