Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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