The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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