She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
