I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
