Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
