i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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