i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
