I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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