Me. At least after what I've been through.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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