at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
