he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
