im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
