Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
