She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
