talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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