Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
