you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
