I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
