your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
