I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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