i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
