So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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