Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
