Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize