and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
