Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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