is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
