Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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