Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize