Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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