Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
