It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
