i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
