FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
