my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize