just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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