he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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