i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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