I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
