____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
