i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
