whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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