Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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