Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
