Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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