Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Randomize
