I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
