don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
