Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize