I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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