i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
