4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
