A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
