hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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