I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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