I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
