Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize