I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Randomize
