My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
