So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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