Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
