When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
