How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
