So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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