why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
