drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
