worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fill condoms, not promises.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize