My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
