Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
