I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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