I got chris browned last night
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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