Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
