Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
