I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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