nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
