I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sorry my hands just texted you
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
